


The Perils of Product Testing

by sophh



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:54:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26462248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophh/pseuds/sophh
Summary: Lee wakes up in the Hospital Wing with no recollection of how he got there. Fred and George have some explaining to do.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	The Perils of Product Testing

Lee opened his eyes and groaned. Bloody hell. Everything was so _bright_. And _loud_. And...red?

"Lee, mate, so glad you're finally awake," a familiar voice said.

"Yeah, you gave us quite the fright," another familiar voice added.

Lee blinked, and the freckled faces of Fred and George Weasley swam into focus. "Fred? George? Where—where am I?"

The twins exchanged a look that Lee couldn't quite decipher. He fiddled anxiously with the sheets as he awaited their reply.

"You're in the Hospital Wing, mate," Fred said at last.

Lee frowned. That answer led to a whole host of other inquiries, such as: _why_ was he in the Hospital Wing? And just how long had he been there?

As far as he could tell, he felt absolutely fine, but something must have happened. He just didn't know what.

He struggled to find the words to ask the many questions now occupying his mind. "How—what—"

George bit his lip. "Blimey, Lee, you don't remember how you got here, do you?"

"No!" Lee said, exasperated. "I was going to ask the two of you to tell me!"

Fred looked over his shoulder before shaking his head. "Dunno if that's a good idea, mate."

Lee stared at his friends. He couldn't figure out why they were so keen to keep him in the dark. "What aren't you two telling me?"

"Nothing," George began, but just then, he was interrupted by Madam Pomfrey.

"I do hope you aren't bothering my patient," she said, glaring at each redhead in turn. "He needs rest after that concussion and the nasty burn he suffered."

Lee's mind began to try and piece together the clues he had learned so far. He'd had a concussion, _and_ he had been burned. Furthermore, the Weasley twins seemed to be responsible, if their shifty behavior was any indication.

Maybe if he pretended to be asleep, they would let something slip when they thought he wasn't listening.

"You know what, I _am_ pretty knackered," he drawled, feigning a yawn. "You're right, Madam Pomfrey. I think some rest is exactly what I need."

"Good choice, Mr. Jordan. Perhaps Mr. Weasley and Mr. Weasley can return and visit you later," the matron suggested.

Lee stifled a groan. So much for his plan. Still, he was somewhat relieved to be left alone. The lights of the Hospital Wing were bright and unforgiving, and the second he closed his eyes, he immediately felt better.

...

Lee awoke to whispering at the foot of his bed. Fred and George again, by the sounds of it.

"George, relax," Fred was saying. "Even if Lee _does_ remember, he'd never turn us in."

"No, but he might say something without realizing —"

"Keep your voice down, Madam Pomfrey might hear you—"

Lee had had enough of their frantic back and forth.

"What the _hell_ are you two on about?" he asked, voice groggy with sleep. He rubbed at his eyes, then slowly pushed himself up to a sitting position. "What would I turn you in for?"

Their faces paled. Lee didn't think he had ever seen them look so anxious.

"Seriously," he continued, looking from one to the other, "what are you keeping from me? I think I deserve to know, especially if there's a chance I might _say something without realizing it_."

He watched as Fred muttered something to George, then turned to him with an easy grin. Lee recognized that look, and narrowed his eyes.

"Tell me the truth, Fred. Remember, I'm your best mate—I can tell when you're hiding something from me."

George elbowed Fred and said something that Lee couldn't hear. Fred nodded.

"Lee," George said quietly, "just how much do you remember about what happened on Friday night?"

" _Friday_ night?" Lee repeated. "Hang on—what day is it now?"

"Er…Sunday," George answered, guilt written all over his features.

" _Sunday_?" Lee said incredulously. "You mean I was out a whole day?"

The twins nodded in unison.

Lee shook his head. "Unbelievable."

He squeezed his eyes shut and thought back to the last thing he could remember: Fred and George had asked him for help with something...

"The last thing I remember is...you two asking me for help with something. Not homework, obviously, so it must have been...joke store stuff?" That was the only thing that made sense to Lee—his friends were a bit obsessed with the idea of opening their own joke shop when they finished Hogwarts, and had recently been spending every spare minute developing products for it.

"Yeah," Fred said. He scratched his neck and glanced at George. "Only, erm, it didn't exactly go to plan..."

...

_It was Friday night and the twins wanted to try out a new game that they had developed for their future joke shop. 'Exploding Snap with a twist,' they called it._

_Lee was game to help—he enjoyed getting to see any disastrously hilarious results up close and personal, as they made for great stories later on._

_"Alright," George said, pulling a stack of cards from his trunk, "here's our deck. It's charmed to behave a little more, ah,_ boisterously _than the usual Exploding Snap deck."_

_Fred snickered. "Your opponent won't know what hit them!"_

_"Well, neither will you!" George pointed out, and the two collapsed into a fit of laughter._

_Lee grinned and rubbed his hands together. "Sounds fun. Which version are we playing?"_

_"Bavarian," the twins answered as one._

_"As if we'd have said anything else," Fred snorted, leaning over to ruffle Lee's dreads. Lee pulled away and rolled his eyes._

_"Yeah, yeah. You both just know how rubbish I am at it and take advantage," he said. He grabbed his wand and held it at the ready._

_George dealt the cards in a circle formation, reading the names aloud as he did so. "...phoenix...mountain trolls...Elfrida Claggs..."_

_He continued in this way until he repeated "bowtruckles," at which point he placed the second card in the center and all three boys lunged to tap the matching cards with their wands._

_Fred managed to tap both cards first. "Yes!" he crowed._

_George and Lee both let out good-natured groans._

_"Well done, Fred," Lee conceded._

_The next round was won by George, but only just. Lee tapped his wand against his leg impatiently, waiting for another match to come up. It soon did, in the form of "kelpies."_

_Lee was racing to tap the card in the center when the cards exploded with a magnificent_ bang _. He thought he heard Fred let out a yell before a searing pain erupted across his chest. Moments later, his head smacked against the side of Fred's bed, and everything went black._

...

"Whoa," Lee said, trying to digest what the twins had just told him. His head had begun to pound, almost as if to confirm that he really _had_ suffered a concussion.

"We rushed you here, of course," George said, gesturing around at the Hospital Wing, "but we weren't sure what to tell Madam Pomfrey—"

"—so we told her that you got too close to the common room fire and the pain made you black out and hit your head," Fred finished. He lowered his voice and added, "Don't think she quite believed us, though."

"Can you blame her?" Lee demanded.

"She fixed up the burn straight away, but said you might be out a while," George said.

Lee pulled the sheet down and peeled his robes open to confirm George's account. Sure enough, the skin there was red and blotchy, but appeared to have been knitted together with magic. When Lee touched it, it didn't even hurt.

"Whoa," he said again.

"Pretty wicked, right?" Fred asked.

Madam Pomfrey bustled over before Lee could answer. "I'm glad to see that you've gotten some rest, Mr. Jordan," she said briskly. "Now, is there anything else you'd like to tell me about how you acquired your injuries? I need to be certain there isn't anything more I can do for you."

Lee could see Fred and George making slightly panicky gestures behind the matron's back and had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing out loud. "There's nothing else, Madam Pomfrey. I just, erm, slipped and burned myself in the common room fire, then bumped my head when I passed out. Simple as that."

"Alright," Madam Pomfrey said, but she didn't look completely convinced. "You're free to go, then, Mr. Jordan. If you experience any memory loss, sleep disturbances, or changes in smell or taste, however, return to me immediately."

"Yes, ma'am." Lee saluted her, then climbed out of bed. It felt good to stand and stretch, and it felt even better to join Fred and George as they left the infirmary.

As the trio headed towards Gryffindor Tower, Fred and George discussed how to make their version of Exploding Snap slightly _less_ incendiary and slightly _more_ amusing.

"So, Lee, are you up for trying some Canary Custards?" Fred asked as they climbed up the stairs.

"Canary _Creams,_ Fred," George corrected. "We're calling them Canary _Creams_. Anyway—you in, Lee?"

Lee shook his head so vigorously that several of his dreads hit him in the face. "Call them whatever you want, mate. I'm sitting this one out."

**Author's Note:**

> For Hogwarts Challenges & Assignments over at ff.net - Term 13, Assignment 5: Etymology, Task #8: write about someone playing a dangerous game (figuratively or literally). 
> 
> Info on Bavarian Exploding Snap came from the Harry Potter Wiki, but I put my own spin on it. 
> 
> Beta'ed by the lovely Dash!


End file.
